50 Ways Blog

It's Never too Late to Learn Parenting Skills

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 05:06:59 -0800

Most of us picked up our parenting skills along the way, seemingly accidentally, somewhat by trial and error. Additionally, while we were mostly unaware of it, we brought with us the good, the bad, and the indifferent parenting toolkit we'd gained by living our own childhoods. We learned by observing what our parents did, and what they preached. We learned inadvertent lessons from how our parents treated us, how they treated each other, and the way they handled interchanges with the people in the community around us. If all was well, and there was unconditional love in the house, where calm, respectful communication was prevelent, then you are among the lucky.

All of us were launched into society with a set of preconceptions that work behind the scenes to guide the behaviors we exhibit today. If you grew up in a household of fear, of danger, of constant worry or abuse, you may have had a hard time getting your needs met as a child. Unfortunately, unmet needs can linger into adulthood, and rear up in unpredictable ways.

It's never too late to learn new parenting skills. There are plenty of books on the subject now, and many online resources. For example, check out Positive Parenting. Also visit Attachment Parenting. If you're experiencing serious difficulties, seek help from a psychologist. If you are confused about how to provide your children with a safe, loving environment that promotes their health, development, and sense of well being, there are resources that can help. Seek them out.

As children, and as adults, we have some very specific needs: We need to feel respected, important, accepted, included, and secure. We will be much more fulfilled as individuals when these needs are met.

Attachment Parenting

Thu, 16 Sep 2010 18:26:47 -0800

Did you know that you could raise your child without using frightening punishments? Without yelling, shouting -- and God-forbid, spanking? Good. Most of us would agree that we try to raise our children without using such antiquated and harmful methods.

But then again, parenting can be tough, and often, confusing. We might not have the knowledge and skills we need -- we may not have learned it along the way, and so we find that essentially, we're 'parenting' by the seat-of-our-pants, with no real skills, no previous knowledge of what works, and no concrete measure of how to do it well.

Sometimes we make mistakes -- sometimes we lose our temper, and sometimes, we react to things with a set of built-in coping mechanisms that we learned way back in our own traumatic childhoods - reactions that are not necessarily healthy, wise, or helpful for the growth and development of our own child. But we can change.

Even if we had traumatic, difficult childhoods, we can learn how to parent our own children without making them feel inferior, frightened, or worthless -- (which is often how we actually felt or still feel ourselves). One of the concepts is called, positive discipline, and is something you'll hear a lot about in Attachment Parenting. Attachment Parenting International strives to support and educate families who are interested in learning more about this amazing concept. This organization is doing wonderful things. Visit their website and see. Attachment Parenting

Raising kids who care!

Sun, 31 Jan 2010 14:28:22 -0800

Kids have a natural desire to help, sometimes to the consternation of their parents. But rather than get frustrated when your little ones want to participate and help you do things, take it as an opportunity to teach them to be volunteers, and show them how to make giving back a lifelong habit. Here are some suggestions for teaching your children to do good deeds, and to feel really good about it!

Help your child to get a long-distance pen-pal, and encourage her/him to write letters back and forth.
Volunteer as a family at a local food drive - collect canned goods to bring along
Make baked goods for a local homeless shelter
Participate in a family-oriented walk-a-thon or other sports event
Make get-well cards for your local children's hospital, or senior citizen's nursing home
Encourage your child to give one or two of their birthday gifts to a local Ronald McDonald house, for ill children and their families.

Kids who learn how to share and care at a young age, will carry this charitable attitude and sense of gratitude into adulthood. The sense of well-being that comes from volunteering and giving back is a gift that keeps on giving.

Shelter for women & girls

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 11:42:01 -0800

Women and girls are treated harshly in many tribal areas of Afghanistan, where forced marriage, beatings, and rape are regular occurrences. It is difficult for most of us in western societies to comprehend the level of desperation these women face, but suffice it to say, their circumstances can be brutal, and life-threatening. Changing the course of their lives can be a daunting task, particularly because women have few options in tribal Afghanistan -- cultural and societal mores are such that women must depend upon men for their very existence -- it is scandalous for a woman to live alone, or try to pursue work on her own.

Fortunately, the emergence of women's shelters are providing a glimmer of hope. Women for Afghan Women is one of them. Visit their website to see what you can do to support their efforts. Women for Afghan Women, is part of the Family Guidance Center in Kabul, and is funded by private donors in the United States, European Governments, and nongovernmental organizations.

Paying Attention to Dad

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 10:30:33 -0800

Fathers are such an important part of a child's life, and this month, on June 21st, we can spend all day celebrating them! My dad is 85 - and I feel extremely lucky to have him in my life. He has slowed down a bit in the past few years, but he still has an infectious laugh, and his love for me is boundless. He taught me many lessons, and though we didn't always see eye to eye on every subject, I have the utmost respect for him, and love him very much.

Find some special ways to acknowledge the fathers in your life this month -- and help your children get into the act too. Rather than a store-bought gift, dads will get a big kick out of a home-made item, and personally-created gift card. You can get some ideas online at Kaboose.com.

We all need a little pat on the back once in awhile. 50Ways.org wishes all the dads a very happy Father's Day!

Summer jobs your teens should avoid

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 07:48:35 -0800

Summer is upon us, and with economy being as volatile as it is, most highschool kids will be out looking for jobs. Unfortunately, they'll be doing so in a job market with a scarcity of options. Though I will be searching for some good ideas to post soon, I wanted you to be aware of some jobs your kids SHOULDN'T vie for. According to the National Consumers League, teenagers should avoid: Harvesting crops, construction and height work, driving forklifts, all-terrain vehicles, tractors, and other heavy-duty construction vehicles, traveling sales crews, and landscaping and grounds-keeping services. Jobs for teens will be a subject for concern for many parents this summer. We all need to help guide kids into summer jobs that are safe, enjoyable, and hopefully that will help them prepare for eventua full-time work in the adult workforce.

Summer is coming

Fri, 29 May 2009 12:32:50 -0800

School is almost out, and since it looks like summer school classes are being cut due to budget constraints, parents will need to figure out some alternatives for their kid's summer break. Check out the WMCA, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, and Camp Fire girls. Also, check with your local Parks and Recreation department for scheduled activities.

Get Ready for Mother's Day!!

Fri, 08 May 2009 09:21:21 -0800

Mothers are the heartbeat of the home. The nurturers, the community-builders, the teachers, and the organizers. We wear many hats, juggle many activities, and put others - especially our children, first. Take time to appreciate your mother, her mother, you, and all mothers for the invaluable contribution to society that you selflessly make, every single day. Happy Mother's Day!!

Earth Day!

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 09:32:44 -0800

Earth Day is April 22. Though we should consider the health of our planet every day, having a special day gives us a great opportunity to think Green, and support projects that protect our environment. �

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 11:56:00 -0800

It's Sunday! Remember to take a little time to relax and unwind. Worship, and express gratitude. Play with your kids! Go outside and enjoy nature. Take time to appreciate the beauty of youth!

Children's Hospitals are Vital to the community

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 12:16:04 -0800

Did you know that Children's hospitals are some of the most important places in our communities? Whether you're a parent or not, the services provided in a pediatric hospital affect the future. The young individuals being treated in them will run our cities, states, and nations one day. Though during these desperate economic times, many hospitals are losing funding. �We can't let this happen. Volunteer to help at your local Children's hospital. Donate $$ if you can. Many young lives require the expertise a pediatric facility can provide. �For example, Childrens Hospital Los Angeles treats 62,000 patients a year in it's emergency department. About 11,000 children a year are admitted to the hospital, with nearly 50 percent of those admissions being children under the age of five. And then, there are over 287,000 visits a year to outpatient clinics, and nearly 3,000 visits at community sites throughout the county. The need is great. �Support your local Children's hospital. Someone you care about may need its services one day.

Reduce Stress with Meditation

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 13:36:55 -0800

Women suffer more from stress than men do, and heart disease, which can be exacerbated by stress, is one of the leading illnesses in women. Studies show that meditation can help. Meditate away your heart disease and lower your blood pressure - what a concept. Transcendental Meditation, a technique founded by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in 1957 has been a proven antidote for some compnents of metabolic syndrome - the constellation of conditions that are associated with the development of cardiovascular disease. If you practice TM for 15 To 20 minutes twice a day, you'll greatly improve your overall health outcomes. More than 5 million people around the world attest to TM's benefits. Ahh. Try it and relax. Remember that stress reduction plays a key role in your overall health, and those who practice regular meditation tend to have a better immune system as well.

Health Promotion

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 09:29:02 -0800

Most of us have experienced the rise in healthcare costs. Add that troubling fact to our latest economic woes, and it's easy to see how many people will be forced to play a juggling game with their monthly budgets. With health care costs escalating, flu season on the horizon, and stress-related and chronic illnesses pervasive in our society, the best course of action, is prevention.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommend some basic steps that can help us protect ourselves and our families from illness.

1. Get a flu shot.

2. Encourage kids and adults to cover their mouths and noses when coughing and sneezing.

3. Wash your hands often, as this has proven to be one of the easiest ways to reduce the spread of germs.

4. Disinfect household surfaces, like door knobs and telephones. Based on a recent University of Arizona study, it only takes one child coming home from school with the flu to spread flu germs to 60% of your household surfaces, so disinfecting these surfaces regularly can help protect the rest of the family.

5. Eat reasonably, and get adequate fresh air and exercise. Exercise and healthy eating habits are vitally important for today's kids. Studies show that obesity in children, and consequently, type 2 diabetes in children, has increased. Children who are inactive, overeat, and/or who have a family history of diabetes are at greatest risk of developing this illness.

6. Maintain mind-body wellness. These are stressful times for millions of people, so it is especially important to focus on overall psychological health. Reach out for support if you or your children are struggling with behavioral, cognitive and/or mental difficulties, depression, ADHD, or Post Traumatic Stress syndrome. The National Mental Health Foundation website is a great resource for information.

Strong Hearts

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 13:46:35 -0800

As Ernest Hemingway famously said, "The world breaks us all, and afterwards some are stronger in the broken places." This is especially true of a special young lady from Liberia, named Lovetta Conto. Having grown up in a refugee camp, she didn't have much hope that she'd be able to reach for her dreams of a better life. Yet, when she got the chance to leave the camp, she blossomed and transformed her life. Now she plans to transform other lives too. She's only fifteen, but she created a jewelry line called Akawelle; Aka, meaning also known as, and wel'le meaning love. The Akawelle necklace begins as a spent bullet shell, which she collects from the land. Then she melts down the casing into a leaf pendant and uses the bottom of the bullet as a bead. It's a beautiful expression of taking something that once brought pain and anguish, and transforming it into a beautiful expression of hope.

I can't think of a more loving holiday gift. She is selling these necklaces to raise money to help other refugees and displaced kids. Her goal is to sell 1500 necklaces to help build a special house and learning community where such kids will learn entrepreneurship, leadership, and creative activism. Visit the Akawelle website and buy this necklace. I have mine on now, and believe me, I feel her strength.

Teaching Children to Give

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 10:28:12 -0800

One of the most meaningful things we can do as individuals is to help others. No matter our circumstances, whether we are young or old, wealthy or just barely getting by, the act of giving to someone less fortunate can fill us with an inner sense of joy. Children benefit from such acts of altruism as well. In fact, engaging in charitable acts helps them form better opinions of themselves, and helps them build a strong moral compass with which to navigate their lives.

According to a study by The Points of Light Foundation, even kids who are disadvantaged or troubled, can benefit from giving to others. The study found that troubled teens who became involved with a community service project began to change their behaviors. They missed less school, began to avoid risky behaviors, and overall fared better in many other aspects of their lives. By giving of themselves to others, these kids began to feel necessary and wanted in their communities -- and for some of these children, it was the first time they felt they belonged, and felt valid. Teaching children to give is not just a nice thing to do, it's a vital part of their upbringing and positive socialization, and we would be wise to introduce such skills when kids are young.

Children like to be helpful -- and this is especially apparent when they're young, as parents of young children can attest. At times we may even become exasperated with youngsters who hover around us in the kitchen, wanting to "stir" or "chop" or add the chocolate chips to the cookie dough. It can take more of our time, patience, and attention to help a young child help.

But don't let this stop you from accepting and strengthening their good, helpful intentions. Though it may take more energy on our part and perhaps more than a little patience, allowing kids to help us with chores and tasks will improve their understanding of the concept of selfless giving, and pave the way for them to become philanthropists in their own rite. So, rather than extinguishing this intrinsic desire, be ready to capitalize on it and facilitate its growth.

We can teach our children to be givers by showing them how it's done, and by providing them with an opportunity to do so. Several organizations make it part of their mission to help young philanthropists participate in projects that can help change the world, one person at a time: Kids Care, Points of Light Foundation, Learning to Give, and Cycles for Smiles are just a few. Find one that resonates for you and your family. As parents, it's up to us to lead the way, and teach our children how to give.